Between the Sheets

The Do’s & Don’ts of flirting via text

Everyone has been in the situation when you are texting someone you are interested in but you do not want to make a fool of yourself. Here are some do’s and don’ts of text flirting.

The Do’s:
1. Ladies, did you know you it’s okay for you to send the first text? I know, this is groundbreaking
There is an unspoken rule that guys always have to text the girl first but that is so old-school. Ladies need to step out of their comfort zone and send the guy they are interested in a test first. He will appreciate it and you will feel more empowered because you are taking charge of your dating life.

2. Be direct and let them know your intentions
Let the person know if you are interested in them or you just want to be friends. Do not play games or beat around the bush.

3. Send thank you texts after dates/meet ups
Either the same night of your date or the following day it’s good etiquette to send a thank you text to the other person.

4. Reply in a timely manner
No one likes waiting for hours for a reply, unless you are truly that busy. Do not wait hours to reply because you feel like you seem too “needy” if you reply quickly.

5. Ask open-ended questions
Do not ask “yes” or “no” questions. The conversations will end up being boring and blunt.

6. Set up dates
Use texting to set up dates with the person you are interested in.

7. Play 20 questions but do not immediately get sexual
“Whats your favorite color?” “Purple. What’s yours?” “Green. So are you a virgin?”
Also be sure to not ask them everything. You want to leave some questions for your dates. Otherwise it will end up being pretty boring with tons of awkward silence.


The Don’ts:
1. Do not send dick pics or nudes
No one wants to receive a dick pic. I mean no one.

2. Do not ask for nudes
Asking for nudes is just plain rude. It makes it seem like that is all you want from that person and you are not truly interested in getting to know them and potentially dating them.

3. Do not text multiple people flirting with all of them
Do not multi-text, meaning do not text multiple girls at one time flirting with all of them. It is not classy.

4. Do not drunk text
It is not cute receiving a text at 3 am claiming that “you are the hottest girl everrrrrrrrrr!” or “I wish you were here because I would *insert sexual action*.”

5. Do not randomly call
This one is a big one with me since I hate talking on the phone, especially to people I am not yet fully comfortable with. If you want to talk on the phone be sure to ask the other person if they want to as well. Otherwise, there might be some awkward silences.

6. Do not abbreviate everything
Do not sent texts like “Hey. I had a gr8 time t’nite. U r so hawt.” It looks tacky and makes you seem like you are incapable of a real conversation or proper english for that matter. Side note: don’t add extra letters to things. Using “heyyyyyy” is so middle school.

7. Do not double text
Everyone has their own lives with school, work, and spending time with their friends and family. So do not double text someone if they do not respond as quickly as you would like. It is okay to send a text the next day asking what happened, how they are doing, or simply just tell them you miss them.

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Women who watch porn

I was pretty young when I first started masturbating. I think I was in middle school when I discovered my clitoris and the wonderful world of orgasms. For a long time I masturbated purely from my imaginations alone but then it evolved into my looking up sexually explicit photos and videos. Most of the time I viewed porn with only women in it.

This got me thinking, why do girls tend to enjoy watching lesbian or solo female porn when they identify solely as being heterosexual?

So does watching lesbian porn mean that I secretly want to be with a woman?

Not necessarily. Sex therapist, Megan Fleming said, “Porn is a safe way to realize what turns you on, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you want to do it in really life.”

Porn is a healthy way to explore your fantasies and discover what turns you on. Plus, lesbian porn tends to show clitoral and vaginal stimulation and since women tend to climax that way so it is a lot more appealing to women because they can identify with what they are watching. Lesbian porn seems to be more raw, honest, and sensual.

According to Women’s Health Magazine, women are 132 percent more likely to search for lesbian porn than men are. Most speculate that that is the case because lesbian porn is less likely to show degrading situations and tends to be more emotional and sensual.

So if you are a woman who enjoys lesbian porn, fear not, it does not mean you want to be a lesbian. But who cares if it did. There is nothing wrong with being with the same. Hell, women are super sexy. I don’t blame you.

Swingers

This blog post is going to be a little bit different from my previous ones. I talked to two different people about swingers, since I am no expert on the subject, to gain some insight about the wonderful world of swingers.

I talked to Laurie Bennett-Cook a licensed sex therapist and sexologist and Jason Major who is a writer and comedian, host of a live show/podcast called Jason Majors Sex Party, and swinger since 2000. (Check out his podcast at MajorSexParty.com)

This post is going to be in the form of a Q&A because I feel like it will be a lot more informative and come across better that way. Enioy.


Question: What is a swinger?

Laurie: Traditionally it’s a member of a couple (usually a married couple) who exchanges sexual partners for extracurricular excitement. Most couples who swing date and exchange partners with other couples. Exchanges take place at organized swinger parties and via online through sites such as Swinglifestyle.com

Many people tend to believe that anyone who identifies as being in a non-monogamous relationship is a swinger. This is not the case. There are several forms of non-monogamy and swinging is just one of many.

Jason: Swinging can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people. To me, swinging means a certain level of openness in my romantic relationship which allows myself and my female partner(s) to explore outside sexual relationships. To most people in the swinging lifestyle, there tends to be some aspect of partner swapping or group sex with other people. A lot of swingers tend to only have sex or “play” with others at parties, clubs, events or on specific dates. Myself and my current partners are also open/polyamorous meaning that we not only have play time with other people at parties, but maintain other romantic relationships, as well. I personally prefer to have some kind of relationship with the women I play with, but a lot of swingers prefer the party scene specifically because there can be some anonymity.

Question: What are the benefits/drawbacks of being a swinger?

Laurie:Benefits:
-Become an expert in communication with your partner
-Variety
-Excitement
-Personal growth
-Relationship growth
-Infidelity less likely
-Sexual openness
-Greater levels of trust
-Greater levels of honesty
-Safely explore fantasies
Drawbacks:
-Wake up emotional vulnerabilities/insecurities that neither partner was previously aware of.
-Face any jealousy issues head on

Every couple is its own unique design and dynamic. Only the couple themselves can determine whether or not Swinging will enhance or deteriorate their relationship.

Jason: Let me start with the drawbacks. First is the obvious. Jealousy. I think that every swinger/poly/open person still feels jealousy, but they experience this feeling differently. Rather than experiencing only the negatives, they are able to translate those feelings into a positive experience, much in the way that someone who enjoys impact play or BDSM experiences the pain as pleasure. Obviously, this is not for everyone, but I think that a lot of people would find the experience of watching their partner with someone else kinda hot, if they didn’t feel like it would be a destructive force in their relationship.

Second drawback that I can think of is the increased risk of sexually transmitted infections or any of the other health issues that can occur with sex. Obviously, the more sexual partners you have, the more likely you may be exposed to something. Condoms are very big in the swing world. So, is STD testing. I get a full battery of testing twice a year. Of course, those tests would only tell me anything after I was already infected, but it allows me to be responsible should I catch anything. For the record, I have not had a sexually transmitted infection in the almost 15 years I’ve been doing this. I have known some people in the lifestyle who have come down with things like chlamydia or gonorrhea, but there were only a couple of incidents like this and all parties involved were honest with their play partners, careful in their treatment and they did not knowingly pass the infection on. I’d go so far as to say that I have seen consistently far worse behavior among my single non-swinger friends. In the swing world, the overwhelming majority of us work hard to stay healthy and do everything we can to play responsibly.

Benefits are many. I have found that it has made my romantic relationships stronger. I’ve seen this in other swinger couples, as well. I believe that the ability to feel freedom and be sexually adventurous can make partners less likely to get bored with their sex lives. Also, having multiple romantic partners can mean that both the physical and emotional stuff gets spread out. Some people might be unhappy with this, but I feel like it takes the pressure off of my romantic relationships. I don’t have to be all things to my girlfriend, nor she to me. Plus, I don’t need to end one relationship to start another. If there is a crush or attraction, there is freedom to explore those feelings rather than bury them down deep. This includes openly talking about those feelings with my girlfriend. And often, when you actually get a chance to scratch that particular itch it kinda goes away.

Obviously, I’ve also had some pretty amazing sexual experiences. And I think that has made me a significantly better lover. Everyone is different, so each new sexual partner adds something new to my experience level.

Also, I feel like it has increased my confidence greatly. When I first got into the swinging lifestyle I was very insecure about my body and I thought that I was extremely unattractive. At my first swing party, I discovered that while not every woman might be into me, there were definitely women who did find me sexy. And they were interested in showing me. That was a game changer. And it also taught me that rejection wasn’t the end of the world. But also that I shouldn’t reject myself. I’ve hooked up with women far hotter than a schlub like me should be capable of. The key was asking and being confident in myself.

Question: Does being a swinger affect romantic relationships positively and.ore negatively?

Laurie: It depends on the relationship. For some it is absolutely detrimental. For some it has little effect. And for others it can allow for growth and closeness. Many times “swinging” isn’t what causes the problem but rather figuring out what form of non-monogamy (if any at all) works for all parties in the relationship. If a couple is struggling in their relationship I always advise they stay clear of any form of non-monogamy. It’s like Grad School relationship and requires a level of communication and understanding that most are not ready for; capable of; or willing to pursue.

Jason: I’ve really only had positive things to say about how swinging impacts my relationships. I’ve had a number of relationships since I started swinging, including monogamous relationships where my partner was not a swinger. In all cases, the swinging wasn’t the reason the relationships ended. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that the swinging is not just a whim, but more of a deep part of my sexuality. Could I live without it? Sure. Would I be happier with partners who were not only tolerant of this lifestyle, but enthusiast participants? Of course!

Also, it’s pushed me to be more honest with my partners. I realize that this isn’t for everyone, so when I meet a lady who I am interested in I make damn sure to disclose as quickly as possible. Definitely before first kiss sort of thing. Not like it’s something horrible she needs to be aware of, but more like it’s a fun, sexy fact of who I am. Another empowering thing is that more often than not this does not appear to be a deal breaker. And if it is? So what. I don’t want a partner to put up with this if she hates it any more than I want to hide away this aspect of my sexuality.

Question: How and why did you become a swinger?

Jason: I sort of stumbled into it. Met a woman online that I was attracted to and she invited me to a party she was throwing. She became a good friend and I was introduced to the wide world of wonderful perversion. As to the why? That’s a difficult question to answer. I’m not a jealous person, by nature. I’m a bit of an exhibitionist. I’m a bit of a voyeur. There are any number of things that attracted me to the lifestyle, but I continue to do it because it brings me great joy. There are bad times and the occasional terrible people, but overall it’s a lot of fun. And the vast majority of the people I’ve met through the lifestyle have been great. There are people who stumble into the scene for the wrong reasons, but the ones who stick around tend to be very thoughtful people. Or giant horn dogs, of course.

Question: What are some misconceptions and stereotypes that swingers face?

Jason: That we’re all sex fiends who can’t control ourselves. That we’re sex addicts. That we’re lascivious monsters who will take advantage of anyone. The truth is that the swing community depends on making people, especially the ladies involved, as comfortable as possible. If everyone is all nervous and creeped out, then no one is having any fun. A good swing club or party will always do it’s best to ensure that everyone is comfortable and that no one is made to feel pressured from unwanted advances. In fact, there are often limits on drugs and alcohol with the understanding that consent can’t be given if you’re too fucked up.

Questions: How and where do you meet other swingers?

Jason: Most swingers hookup via the internet these days. There are dedicated sites for the swinger community. Some are better than others. I’ve also had more than a little success meeting women through an online dating website that allows people to identify as varying levels of monogamous or non-monogamous. I’ve also met other swingers a lot through swing parties. You got to the same party or club enough and you get to know the regulars… For better or for worse. 🙂 The swing population is pretty wide and varied… You’d be surprised who you meet. We’re everywhere!

Introducing sex toys into the bedroom

Adding a little spice into your bland sex life can not only do wonders for your sexual satisfaction but it can also enhance your relationship with your partner.

You do not need to be particularly kinky or sexually adventurous to introduce sex toys into the bedroom.

Before you run to Condom Revolution with your partner in tow there are some things you need to think about.

Brining up the topic of incorporating toys into the bedroom can be a tricky conversation to tackle, especially if your partner or you are hesitant to talk about sex.

When I brought it up to my boyfriend he was completely down to try it out mainly because we are completely honest with each other about our sexual needs and desires. Although, we are extremely comfortable together he had some hesitation once the immediate excitement started to fade.

I remember he kept repeatedly saying, “Wait. You’re not going to leave me for your new vibrator now, right?”

This kind of reaction is completely normal and expected. Your partner, no matter how secure they are with themselves, can feel as if you wanting to introduce sex toys as you complaining about your current sex life. Of course this is not the case so you must reassure your partner and validate their feelings. Let your partner know that a toy cannot replace the real thing.

“Regardless of how fun a toy may be it doesn’t replace the feel and enjoyment of a live person,” said LaurieBennett-Cook, a clinical sexologist, se therapist, and sex educator.

Bennett-Cook said that being open and honest with your partner is a must. So allow them to openly express their excitement and hesitations around the idea without judgement.

If you are new to sex toys going into a sex shop can be intimidating but it should not be. Bennett Cook recommends asking them employers at the store any and all questions you have because they are extremely knowledgeable on the subject.

Ease yourself into toys. Start off easy with incorporating lube into your sex life. It can wake up all sorts of sensations.

Next, purchase an inexpensive vibrator. Get used to using it and discover what you like and do no like. There is not need for buying an expensive vibrator when you are just experimenting in the beginning.

The benefits of using toys with your partner are endless. One of the biggest perks is getting to know your body on a different level and building a stronger connection with your partner through communication.

“Toys can add variety, excitement, and new sensations. Taking the time to experiment and play can help one get to know their body better – what sensations, rhythms, pressures etc. do you find you’re enjoying. The more you know yourself, the better you can communicate your likes and dislikes with a partner,” said Bennett-Cook.

Sex toys can also increase the chances of a woman climaxing.

Only around one third of women experience orgasms through penetration alone according to The Society of Obstetricians and Gynecologist of Canada. They also state that the other two thirds either reach an orgasm through intercourse with extra situation or by manual and oral stimulation. So integrating toys into your normal sex life increases the woman’s chance of an orgasm whether it be clitoral or vaginal.

Exploring your partners and your desires by using toys is a great way to connect with your partner on another, more sensual level. Becoming more intimate and adventurous is important and using sex toys can do just that.

“Toys are an excellent tool for exploring various fantasies,” said Bennett-Cook.

There are not too many drawbacks of toys. The main drawback is not knowing how to properly use the toys. Taking it slow and doing your research can do wonders.

Not only can sex toys make a relationship stronger by adding some good vibrations but it can also be exciting for both parties. Both people get to experience something new while sexually stimulating their partner to climax. What is better than that?

X-Rated Valentines Day Ideas

Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to step out of your comfort zone and break your normal sexual routines.

When the day is winding down, after you’ve showered your significant other in mushy gushy gifts and kisses, make your way home for a night of real fun using these X-rated tips.

Before you do anything, be sure to set the scene and mood for the night; go overboard on the candles, make sure the sex toys are easily accessible, and cover the floor in rose pedals. “It’s all about sensuality – the stimulation of the five senses,” said Dr. Eve, a sexpert and sex therapist from Sea Point, “Get some aromatic oils, screw in a red light bulb to give the bedroom a different sort of feel or put on some sexy music.” A little romance makes a night of erotic fun even more pleasurable.

1. Watch porn together and do as they do
Make your way over to Porn Hub, the largest pornography website on the internet, and pick an interesting film to mimic. This is a great way to expand your sex life and try something new and adventurous.

2. Explore and fulfill your partners sexual fantasies
Talk to your partner and find out what they have always wanted to do. Whether it’s role-playing, using bondage in the bedroom, or even just a new sex position, try it out and make their dreams come true.

3. Bring food into the bedroom
“Create an erotic buffet and eat light finger foods off of your partner’s hot body,” said Jessica O’Reilly, a sexologist with a PhD in human sexuality. Grab some whip cream, chocolate covered strawberries, champagne, and even pop rocks to add a spark to your routine sex life.

4. Give and receive a sexy massage
Whip out the edible massage oil and give your partner a full-body rub down. If you know what I mean.

5. Grab a pair of sex dice and let the games begin
Roll the dice to see your future. Lick, kiss, suck, or rub your partner’s mouth, neck, ears, or unmentionables. Let the dice decide.

6. Grab the fuzzy handcuffs, bondage, blindfolds, whip, and anything else to take a stab at the wonderful world of BDSM (Bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism). Then turn your significant other 50 shades of red with your dirty talk.

The hummer

Want to try something new in the bedroom without having to step out of your comfort zone? Give your guy a hummer!

A hummer is when you give a guy a blowjob and make a “hmm” or “mmm” sound for a few seconds at a time while continuing to suck his penis. Humming while giving a blowjob increases stimulation due to the vibrating sensation.

This technique is a little different than a typical blowjob because it allows your guy to not only have his penis sucked or stroked but it also gives your guy the sensation of vibration. The lower the pitch the slower the vibration and vice versa.

To make the vibration sensation even more intense focus on the head of the penis. It will drive your man insane.

Catcalling controversy

tumblr_mn62ukWZBk1rpu8e5o1_500How many times have you been walking down the street and a car either honks at you or you hear kissing sounds, and other audible nonsense that some men think will attract a woman? If you are a female I am guessing it has happened to you AT LEAST a dozen times.

I personally have had it done to me by men of various ages, ethnicities, and financial background (you can tell by the cars they drive). These type of men do no discriminate either. Believe me. They do not care if you are wearing shorts and a tank top or a turtleneck and long pants, they will still, without fail, “catcall” you.

I am not bothered so much by the fact that these types of men are yelling and “flirting” with me as I am minding my own business but the fact they they think that as women we should accept them catcalling us as a compliment. That is just complete bull shit.

I have struggled with accepting compliments in the past because I have extreme low self-esteem but I have now learned to accept them. Being called “beautiful”, “cute”, or having someone comment on either a physical attribute, personality trait, or even personal characteristic I have is a compliment to me. Being subjected to men whistling, blowing kisses, meowing, and commenting on my boobs or ass in a dirty manor is not a compliment, it is sexual harassment.

If you are one of these men that are catcalling women then take a second and reflect on what you are doing. You are subjecting another human being to your disgusting behavior and expecting them to be okay with it.

Catcalling or being sexually explicit when “complimenting” someone is not okay. It is not fair for any person having to deal with individuals that part take in this kind of behavior as well.

Just remember that telling someone they have a “beautiful body” is different than “damn you have nice tits and a great ass”. One is a compliment and the other is straight up sexual harassment.

Catcalling another human will never be okay. No one wins in the situation either. The person yelling out never gets a positive reaction from the person they are harassing. And the person being harassed feels violated.

Stop catcalling.